People who live and breathe the game of golf have their own unique vernacular that can sound like a completely foreign language to somebody who doesn’t play the game. To a non-golfer, a statement like, “Going into 17 I was even, but then I skulled an ugly one-groover that ended up a fried-egg in the beach,” probably sounds, at best, like something a Burt Reynolds character would say on CB radio while evading the police.

If the same person had said, “Going into the 17th hole I was even par for the day, but then I hit a shot very poorly and ended up in the sand trap,” things would have been much clearer. But then again, clarity isn’t always colorful.

Go into the bar following a round of golf and the slang not only worsens, the putts grow longer and the stories more exaggerated with each drink. And we diehards would have it no other way. It’s a place where nobody seems to hit slices or hooks but instead controlled fades and nice, little cutters.

Whether the player is a scratch golfer or a 20-handicap, people who are passionate about the game love talking about it almost as much as playing. And by adding colorful descriptions, it makes us feel like part of a unique fraternity.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

“On nine, I dug one out of the cabbage from two bills {200 yards} and stuck that postage stamp inside the grip for a gimme.” Translation: “On number nine, I was hitting out of the rough from about 150 yards away and got the ball on that small green, putting it less than a foot-and-a-half away from the pin.”

(For the purpose of drama, it’s pretty standard for a player to add 50 yards to any great shot and double the distance of putts.)

Bogey: The first stroke system was developed in England at the end of the 19th century. It was a way of standardizing the number of shots that a good golfer should take on each hole, which was called the ground score or bogey score. The term bogey is thought to have derived from a popular song of the time entitled, “Hush, Hush Hush,Here Comes the Bogey Man.” However, as the game gained popularity and players improved, many of the British courses didn’t adjust their scores with the improved play. Americans began referring to one shot over par as a bogey to the understandable displeasure of the Brits. Par: Par is believed to have been derived from a stock exchange term basically saying whether a stock was above or below par. Birdie: The term bird is 19th century American slang meaning anything that is excellent. Somebody might say, “That was a bird of a score,” referring to somebody making one under on a hole. Later, it was transformed into “birdie.” Eagle: Clearly an extension of the theme of birds, Americans began calling it an eagle any time a player was two under par on any particular hole, since an eagle is essentially a big bird. Albatross: In staying with the bird verbiage, three under par is an extremely rare feat and an albatross is a very rare bird. Also referred to as a double eagle.

“With my three banger, I smoked a cheater from the short grass on that hard dog leg right that landed on the apron and bit on the frog hair.

Then I used my flatstick and drained a snake from 30 feet that snuck in the backdoor for an eagle.” Translation: “With my three-wood, I hit it low, keeping it out of the wind from the middle of the fairway on that hole that bent to the right and the ball landed in front of the green and stopped on the putting surface. Then, with my putter, I made a difficult putt that broke twice from 15 feet and watched as it fell into the back of the hole for two under par.”

Sometimes you’ll find an honest soul discussing his round and it can sound a little something like this.

“I smothered a quacker on fifteen that ended up in jail and I made a snowman.” Translation: “I hit a severe hook on number 15 and my ball landed behind a bunch of trees and I had no chance of advancing it and ultimately made an eight on the hole.”

Sometimes people just love to shout out one-liners. Like after a great drive you might hear, “Call the drug squad ’cause that ball was laced.” Perhaps after a putt that comes up short you might hear, “Hey man, didja hit that one with your purse.” Perhaps after a ball goes into the woods you might hear, “What did you use on that shot, a tree-wood?”

This is an ever-evolving language spawned by excited players who love to entertain each other with stories from the links. With each season, the golf dictionary continues to expand as nearly every day somebody thinks of another way to say something. Don’t hold it against us, we just can’t help ourselves.

So the next time somebody says to you, “Me and another dewsweeper pegged our first pills before the farmer stirred,” don’t panic, simply ask him if he needs a nap.