By Mary Grace Musuneggi

Okay ladies, have you ever noticed that in a family of five brothers and one sister, that when the time comes to be the caretaker for mom and dad, the most likely choice will be the sister? It really does not matter if she is a single parent with three children of her own, has a full-time job and that she baby-sits her youngest brother’s children on the weekends when he has to work. And if the sister is by chance single, with no children, then she is the ultimate choice; after all she does not really have anything going on in her life anyway, the reasoning goes.

Now in all fairness to our male counterparts, and because sometimes tradition dictates, the caregiver can be the eldest sibling, just by nature of the birth order; or the youngest, as he or she was the last to leave home and so has a closer relationship with the parents.
Living out of state, or already taking care of your elderly in-laws, usually takes you out of the running. But being the only child means you are it…no matter how, no matter what, no matter where.

And yet I am grateful that personally I know of no children who would not willingly want to care for their parents if the time and need arose. It is a way of saying “thank you” for all the parents have done for the children, a way of giving back. They hope that when their time comes, someone will be there to take care of them.

But “willing” is not always “able”. And when the time comes, it is one awesome task. There are financial, ethical and sometimes legal and moral dilemmas that arrive. Decisions to be made.

Tack on to this if you are part of the “sandwich generation,” meaning you are trying to care for the parents, put the kids through college, plan for your retirement, and somehow pursue what dreams you may have for your own life.

During the past two months of May and June, we are reminded of our multiple roles as women. With Mothers Day and Fathers Day and Graduation Day, we see ourselves as mothers and daughters and granddaughters and aunts and sisters and wives and significant others and partners. How amazing we are to be so much to so many. The mere thought of it makes our heads spin.

So where do we begin? If you are raising children, you need to begin by starting early to take care of your children’s education. The sooner you have made plans financially, the more secure this will be if the time comes to take on the role of raising parents. And as a parent, do your children the favor of planning well for your later years. Save for retirement, do your estate planning, pre-plan funeral arrangements, get a living will and other documents to make the process of taking care of you an easier one. One of the greatest gifts I received from my mother was her making all her final arrangements long before it was needed, so that the day she passed away, our family had nothing to do but deal with our loss and share great memories.

If you are raising parents, keep the lines of communication open. Know what planning they have done so far. Get an understanding of their finances; meet with an elder law attorney. Understand your rights as the caretaker, but more importantly, your obligations. Spend time with a family counselor or a life coach, to learn techniques for balancing all the roles you have to play.

On our life journeys we take many paths, each with its own destination. Getting help along the way makes the path an easier one to travel.

And all of life’s journeys begin with a single step.

Mary Grace Musuneggi is Executive Director of Single Steps Strategies, a life-planning program designed to empower women to take control of their lives through information, education and a group of professional resource providers. For more information visit our website at www.SingleStepsStrategies.com